Old friends and Revenge

Today I am bouncing between the need for revenge and overcoming the grief from the hurt that has been imposed on me.  I am aware that revenge is wrong, and I never would do it.  But can't I just fantasize about it?  I keep saying "if it happens again I will go".  Hmph.  Probably not going to happen.  But I can dream of all kinds of scenerios to make myself feel a little better. My friends can help me with those too. That's what friends are for.  They get you drunk, they tell you how awful you have been treated, then they tell you the honest truth about yourself and your situation.  That part hurts.  So they lighten things up by giving outrageous revenge ideas.  I have moved away from my friends to a different town, but I sure miss that support system.  They were there for me during a divorce and I know they would be there for me during this time too.  How I miss my besties.  They were crazy and fun.  Our little bunch had a lot of good times.  Some fights, but we always made up and had each others back.  Sigh..I will never have that again where I live.  I can't trust anyone here.  Now we have all moved to different towns, different relationships.  Our little bad of bandits broke up.  Oh how I miss those girls.

Amazing how one moment

Can change everything you believed and held secure.  Just when you think you know someone it can change so suddenly.  Things you had no idea about come to the surface and it conks you over the head like a crow bar.  And then the insecurities come in.  The weakness.  Uncertainty.  Anger.  Betrayed trust. I did not deserve this.  I was blindsided.  Now I have to figure out a way to peel myself up from the floor and get through it.  Life is so hard sometimes.  So I am crawling into my daddy God's lap. 

Things that make me happy....

 I am thinking of things that make me happy.  Sometimes it is the little things in life.  Like butterflies.  I love butterflies.  I am fortunate to see a couple each day.  They just twitter close then twitter away.  I wish one would stay still for like 15 minutes until I get a photograph.  Every time I see one I think of the movie "You've Got Mail" and the quote by Kathleen Kelly: 

“Once I read a story about a butterfly in the subway, and today, I saw one. It got on at 42nd, and off at 59th, where, I assume it was going to Bloomingdales to buy a hat that will turn out to be a mistake - as almost all hats are.”  

Rainbows, hot chocolate, love, flowers.  I love to go camping and enjoy the outdoors.

 

I love it when I can sit and read a book.  Sometimes I like historical, such as books on the Holocaust.  The will to survive.  Sometimes I like to read fictional Christian books.  Getting lost in a book with a comfy blanket and  a cup of hot chocolate makes my afternoon!  

Music, and peacefulness.  Quieteness. 

My friends bring me much laughter, lots of hugs.  Special moments. Wisdom.  It is love given freely.  No strings attached.  The ones that had strings have officially been sorted and tossed out the door. I love my friends.  We love each other no matter what the other is going through.  We are there for each other to have fun, offer a shoulder to cry on, and just share our lives.  God has blessed me with good close friends.  Few, but just the ones he has put in my life, special for me.

God has truly blessed my life.  I have two beautiful grandchildren.  Three children.  I am so proud of them all.  Justin is a pastor, and has 2 sweet little children.  Eric is just living a "no worries" have fun life in Spokane.  And Ashley is enjoying the life of a girlfriend.  Already thinking of weddings and children and love and all that.  

But really..how happy would I be without God?  I know..I wouldn't even exist without God.  But as Mary Poppins says.."Must you cloud the issue with facts?"  So that is beside the point at this moment.  I know that I would never have survived this world and all that is in it without having God in my life.  He is my strength. He is my life.  He covers me with His wings, and protects me in ways I never even know.  When I hurt I can crawl up in Daddy God's lap and cry.  When I laugh, He laughs too.  He brings the butterflies in my life. He blesses me with the life I have.  He is there for me.  He loves me.  he created me.  He has a plan for me.

Life is often times very hard and can be painful.  

But I find that when we open our eyes, even during the painful times, we can find beauty or something to smile about.  Such as the bird I saw  making its condo on the back of a horses butt.  Or the two little bucks, doe, and fawn that hang out in the pasture across from us.  That blasted gopher that keeps getting the best of our lawn.  The crane on the river with it's funny legs.  The bald eagles and hawks  that are in abundance here.  The baby calves and lambs.  Living in the country brings about many smiles.  The people here are GOOD.  They care about each other.  Everyone knows everyone.  I love being a country girl.  

I love to laugh.  I have friends who say "I have missed your laugh."  Joy comes everyday in our lives.  Sometimes we just have to focus on finding it instead of being consumed with the things that don't bring it. The stress of life can dampen the light that God surrounds us with.  So smile, look up...and know that God loves you!

8-26-11

I can't believe it has been so long.  In fact I am quite sure it hasn't.  I do believe I recently logged and forgot to save it and post it!

Time does have a way with getting away from us.  Life is so busy.   The business and the heat have made me disappear from the earth for awhile.  Thankfully we will be getting down to the 80's next week and it will feel more like Wallowa County. 
The business is going strong.  We have 6 distributors keeping us busy with several more on the line.  Some days I wonder how this ever came about.  I guess I can thank my honey for taking such good care of us.  I just didn't realize how well he would do it!  I forgot how being self employed causes lack of sleep.  How you don't work from 9-5, but instead 24-7.  How having a business in your home takes away the "homeliness".  I long for my own home.  Autumn coming up tends to make me long for many things.  My home, my kids, school buses, pumpkins, apples, crisp mornings and evenings. I hope we can get our own home soon.
Worries in a personal way still abound.  But I know God is with me.
Tonight I had dinner with Justin and Davi and the kids.  I got to hold baby a lot and played with Elijah.  That young man is all snakes and snails and puppy dog tails.  He is so much fun and such a love.    It was nice to spend time with them.
We are trying to find a place to rent in LaGrande. We have a business warehouse rented to manufacture our products. The plumbing and electrical are finished.  Just need a house to live in.  Part of me is so over Wallowa County but there is also a small part of me that will miss it.  Very small.  Just a few friends and the mountains.  But then the other half of me is scared t start fresh somewhere else.  I make no sense.  Oh well.
Ashley has a new boyfriend, Zane.  He is a very nice young man.  Eric is just loving life.  Free and easy going!
It seems like not much has changed, but still so busy.  All in all, life is good.
Yesterday was my birthday.  I am now 44 years old.  We had to do the numbers because like my mom, I never remember how old I am.    I remember many times we would ask mom how old she was and she didn't know, so we had to get her drivers license and figure it out for her. She never seemed too interested.  I was always shocked..how could someone not know how old they are?  Until I got in my 20's and started forgetting my age.

5-10-11

Today I am trying to not panic about some test results I will get on Friday. I had to have a colposcopy and they took 12 pieces to biopsy. I keep trying to remember everything is in God's hands. 2 weeks to wait for test results has been hard. sometimes I convince myself there is no way it could be cancer. Other times my thoughts get away from me and I forget God is in control and it could be cancer.

"If God has shown us bad times ahead, it's enough for me that He knows about them. That's why He sometimes shows us things, you know - to tell us that this too is in His hands."
— Corrie Ten Boom (The Hiding Place)

A busy few months

Gosh, I haven't been here is so long!!!! So much has happened. But to nail things down....

#1...I have a new granddaughter...Katherine Marvel Parker
#2...Our new business, Gianni's, is going strong. We have 3 distributors who are awesome! And very funny. We are looking at getting a warehouse in LaGrande soon to manufacture from. John has been asked to be a demonstrator, special guest, at the Metropolitan Cooking and Entertainment Show in Houston in September. He is listed as a Featured Presenter under Personalities along with Paula Deen and Tara Wilson. Funny thing is..we haven't even finished paying for our booth yet. LOL. I am so proud of him. I googled his name and discovered he really is rather famous! giggle...
#3 Kate and William got married
#4 Obama Bin Laden was taken out by our Navy Seals
#5 Family is #1. Special times with family..a new granddaughter and a perfect family reunion.
#6 Have become extremely close to my cousin, Linda. So good to have someone to talk to about certain things. She does like to mother.,....but man, is she funny! We talk almost eevery night and she is a good friend.
#7 Ashley has a new boyfriend...Zane. He is a youth pastor in LaGrande.
#8 Eric in love with the girls at every coffee shop that make his coffee the way he likes it.
Life is full of blessings.

Last night we went to a wedding for some friends of ours. I wasn't very happy about going since I know so much about their relationship, but if Jen is happy then I pray the best for her. They need a lot of prayer. She was so beautiful. Jen just has this natural beauty. And she is also a hairstylist....so she is double lucky! The wedding was outside in her parents yard and it was pouring down rain! So they had a lot of people bring tents to cover the chairs and it turned out really lovely. I saw my former classmate, Tad Woosley, since it was his sister, Terry's, daughter getting married. 45 degrees and all. We now have snow capped mountains again! And you know what that means.......................

Autumn!! Pumpkins! Apple Pie!!! Crisp evenings and mornings! Leaves turning color! OH! I seriously can't wait!!!

JT and I have started a Gourmet Chocolate Sauce business. So far for flavors we have Creamy Coconut, Cafe Espresso, Original, Mint Chocolate, Hazelnut, Orange Brandy, and Caramel.
Wer launched the new business in California because JT had a class reunion to go to. So everyday we did a Farmer's Market. Some days two. It was exhausting. Now we are looking for famers markets here and shows. Thought the fairs are very expensive to get a booth in. Today I just cooked chocolate sauce all afternoon. About $2,000 worth, so I am not complaining. besides, who can complain about being up to their elbows in chocolate? The only thing is, I don't sample it anymore. When we had to add acidic value to it, and had to add 1 tsp. of vinegar to each gallon, well, I just couldn't get past that. Vinegar in my chocolate. Ick. It doesn't change the taste, it's just the very notion of it.